asian-invasion

I really do want very badly to be better about keeping up with this blog.  Only my psychologist could explain why I don’t or can’t.

And this is exactly what I don’t want this to become: nothing more than a string of self-loathing in relation to my struggles with keeping to a consistent posting schedule.

So, in order to give you something to possibly look forward to (and to give myself a placeholder of sorts), here are just a few topics you’ll see covered in the not-so-distant future:

Gospel music…does listening to it put one on a faster track to spiritual salvation?  And was human evolution inevitable?

I think about things that should be left to the experts to explain away, but somewhere in my mind I make my own futile attempts.

Should someone with Aspergers be married, especially to someone with her own set of issues?  How can it work?

I write the songs.  At least, I have ideas for the music.  It happens every day, at least three times.  Is it inspiration, talent,…or just boredom?

You can come up with your own answers to whatever questions I’ve just posed here.  It would be something against reasonable odds if you can offer the same answers I did…

I know I owe my three or so readers the report on Otakon Sunday, even though the convention was over a month ago.  I swear I’m not blowing my blog off.  I really would like to keep up with it much more than I do.  I just have issues.

One problem is a lack of motivation to finish because Sunday, August 10 is a long story about a day which went from being good (in spite of me and my wife having colds) to stretching well into Monday morning with the both of us saying, “OMGWTFBBQ???”  I’m not being lazy about recounting the details and it isn’t as if I could forget anything that happened on our plodding journey home from Baltimore.  Simply put, in my mind I see this as a daunting task since I am given to making sure such details are all included (save for small things like smells and sounds).

It goes toward a feeling of being overwhelmed by a task, as small or trivial as it may seem to the rest of the world.  To me it feels Herculean and I don’t know how I’m going to get it done.  In spite of the guilt and self-imposed pressure I feel from having left yet another project incomplete, those things don’t offer the drive I require to finish.  Unfortunately, this is often misdiagnosed by the public as laziness and I’m sure the moderators of today.com don’t have time to read any of this for understanding of why I haven’t posted here more often.

The Otakon finale is also being delayed for a reason I can never again attempt classroom studies in college.  I’ve tried twice, each attempt separated by about ten years, to complete two years of full-time academic schedules.  The result in the end is always the same.  In spite of having an IQ hovering around 135 and a talent for analysis and reason, my grades fall below the average standard for receiving Federal financial aid.  Why?

Lectures.  I can’t function in a quiet atmosphere with no mutual interaction.  I perform much better in discussions and hands-on projects because I am engaged in activity.  Lectures don’t offer any of that.  If any two-way communication is taken out of the equation, I won’t last ten minutes before my mind either wanders or races elsewhere while I make repeated failed attempts to take notes.  Before I realize I’ve zoned out again and snap out of it, minutes have passed and I’ve missed plenty.  Recording lectures and listening back later doesn’t help at all because quiet will kill my efforts and I’m too easily distracted for unrelated sounds in the same room.

Sure, maybe I could take the fated aforementioned entry in pieces and eventually finish, but about the same amount of time will have passed without a single entry.  I do try seriously to be a better blogger but certain characteristics of Aspergers make it more difficult than it should be.  I am in hopes you all will bear with me so I don’t lose the few readers I may have.

Oh, and I see that text field where I’m supposed to place tags.  That involves making a list, which is something else I can never seem to do effectively.  That subject for another time…

It must be nice to have a job that allows workers this day off and still collect a full eight hours of “time and a half” pay.  I would settle for anything in my unemployed status that puts me to work in spite of the federal holiday.

As far as I can tell, there are three categories you can choose from to describe Labor Day, an exclusively American tradition.  First, it can be seen as a day for workers who can afford to miss a day of work, paid or not, to relax and have an extra day off.  It can be classified as the day employers close down shop whether or not their employees need the boost that holiday pay offers.

I fall into the third category: it’s a day I have no choice but to work through because I need the boost of holiday pay but can’t because, in spite of the fact there is work to be had today, Labor Ready (a “pay by day” temporary staffing service) decided to take this day off.  And not one person who uses this service can afford to lose a day of work.  I have bills and expenses to meet, not to mention a wife to support, and the new month is already beginning which means rent is due again.

As unemployment spikes and continues to increase, I find it more difficult as time passes to secure employment anywhere.  The temp services are vital to me until the time I find a permanent position somewhere.  Anywhere.  My skill set would qualify me for a good-paying job but my “legally blind” status means my lack of mobility cuts my range of travel and employment options all at once.  I have to settle for jobs which are “beneath me” in order to break even, so it hurts my cause when the job I’m doing won’t allow me to work for a day which I am available (holiday or not).

So to anyone out there who is gainfully employed, I congratulate you.  For those who are being paid to have this day off, enjoy it.  At the same time, I don’t want to hear anyone complain about having to work in spite of earning “time and a half” today.  While you bemoan your lack of free time, try and remember those of us who don’t have the luxury of a job to keep us afloat.