asian-invasion

Okay, maybe some of the things I encounter within my daily routines which I attribute to ADD or Aspergers may have nothing to do with either.  In this case, I may also have to wonder how to categorize the ease with which the slightest change in topic, no matter how closely related, will send me on the most remote tangents.  Then the trouble becomes stopping my vocal flow of thought.  Before I know it, I’ve monopolized another conversation and talked a subject into oblivion.  This kind of thing makes talking to me sometimes taxing and irritating for the other person.

On that note, I “feel” that I have certain OCD tendencies whether or not they came with the AS package.  This blog and my LiveJournal are prime examples of how exhausting writing a simple post can be.  I write the initial draft and preview it for grammar and punctuation.  The spell check is automatic on my updating program so no worries there.

I will then publish my entry.  I go to “public view” and reread it to check for redundancies.  I go back and correct whatever I think could be made to look better, cutting out unnecessary words or phrases.  I republish and reread.  It looks fine until I go back and reread it again a short time later.  I make one more round of corrections and rephrasing.  After one more “public view” I may (or not) edit the entry yet again.  By this time, I am sure someone who saw the initial post is wondering why what they have read is different every time they pass it again.  It’s only when this thought crosses my mind that I force myself to stop messing with the entry and move on to something else.

I have other small routines.  I lightly rinse the inside of any cup or glass, no matter how clean, before drinking from it.  I am also trying to prevent the possibility that there might be some kind of poisonous substance lurking there.  No, I’m not making this up.  Any condiments I use for a sandwich (mayo, mustard, peanut butter, etc) must cover the entire surface area of my bread / toast. The same goes for hot dogs.  When using creamer (only half & half will do), my coffee must be a certain lightness in color, regardless how dark the roast, before I’ll drink it.

I could think of a few more but I’ll spare you the litany.  As for this entry, I think I’ll publish it and leave it alone just to see if the universe implodes if I don’t cave in to my overwrought editing processes.  It helps that I have errands to run today that won’t wait another moment.

That all may change when I get home, of course…

I’m making a concentrated effort to not allow this blog to go for more than two days with nothing new to show. It’s not easy when I’m given to being so easily distracted. It also happens that I begin a task, remember something else I need to do along the way, remember something else in relation to the second activity, complete the third, and forget what my original goal was.

I imagine this scenario leans more toward ADD tendencies than actual Aspergers. Still, ADD is part of the package I was left with. What keeps it from being full-blown ADD, I guess, is that I eventually remember some time later what I initially set out to accomplish. Sometimes it means missing a deadline, other times are nearing one which forces me to rush a finished product which usually turns out to be less than my best quality work.

Patience is also no friend of mine. If I don’t get the results I want or need when I feel I should have achieved them, I give up on the whole thing. It’s different in an employment setting since those I would work under don’t hold me to standards as high as I impose on myself. I want to excel and prove that I can complete whatever task in the most efficient and expedient way possible and still turn out quality work.

Unfortunately, this thought process prohibits me from taking on certain jobs. I am a tad obsessive when it comes to cleaning so, when I am charged with the task of any kind of cleaning, I find myself taking more time than anyone else expects of me to complete the job. I have to make sure every inch has been covered, no spot or speck remains, and everything looks as close to new as possible. Cleaning is something I can’t rush through as much as I want to.

These instances and many others make me appear to be slow, lazy, inefficient, or procrastinating. I’m trying to deliver the highest quality possible for whatever task I am given and I haven’t the patience for accomplishing anything less than “better than average.” No, I don’t expect the same of everyone else. That would be wrong.

…wouldn’t it?