asian-invasion

Perhaps I’ll pick this thing up again.  I know these posts should have a minimum number of words to them but I doubt anyone will read this anyway.  I’m probably not getting paid for anything I’ll do with this blog (a word I can’t seem to like the sound of) but I’m not gonna stress over it.

Just be patient.  I really should figure out how to overcome the part of Aspergers which makes establishing a new routine nearly impossible…

I really do want very badly to be better about keeping up with this blog.  Only my psychologist could explain why I don’t or can’t.

And this is exactly what I don’t want this to become: nothing more than a string of self-loathing in relation to my struggles with keeping to a consistent posting schedule.

So, in order to give you something to possibly look forward to (and to give myself a placeholder of sorts), here are just a few topics you’ll see covered in the not-so-distant future:

Gospel music…does listening to it put one on a faster track to spiritual salvation?  And was human evolution inevitable?

I think about things that should be left to the experts to explain away, but somewhere in my mind I make my own futile attempts.

Should someone with Aspergers be married, especially to someone with her own set of issues?  How can it work?

I write the songs.  At least, I have ideas for the music.  It happens every day, at least three times.  Is it inspiration, talent,…or just boredom?

You can come up with your own answers to whatever questions I’ve just posed here.  It would be something against reasonable odds if you can offer the same answers I did…

I know I owe my three or so readers the report on Otakon Sunday, even though the convention was over a month ago.  I swear I’m not blowing my blog off.  I really would like to keep up with it much more than I do.  I just have issues.

One problem is a lack of motivation to finish because Sunday, August 10 is a long story about a day which went from being good (in spite of me and my wife having colds) to stretching well into Monday morning with the both of us saying, “OMGWTFBBQ???”  I’m not being lazy about recounting the details and it isn’t as if I could forget anything that happened on our plodding journey home from Baltimore.  Simply put, in my mind I see this as a daunting task since I am given to making sure such details are all included (save for small things like smells and sounds).

It goes toward a feeling of being overwhelmed by a task, as small or trivial as it may seem to the rest of the world.  To me it feels Herculean and I don’t know how I’m going to get it done.  In spite of the guilt and self-imposed pressure I feel from having left yet another project incomplete, those things don’t offer the drive I require to finish.  Unfortunately, this is often misdiagnosed by the public as laziness and I’m sure the moderators of today.com don’t have time to read any of this for understanding of why I haven’t posted here more often.

The Otakon finale is also being delayed for a reason I can never again attempt classroom studies in college.  I’ve tried twice, each attempt separated by about ten years, to complete two years of full-time academic schedules.  The result in the end is always the same.  In spite of having an IQ hovering around 135 and a talent for analysis and reason, my grades fall below the average standard for receiving Federal financial aid.  Why?

Lectures.  I can’t function in a quiet atmosphere with no mutual interaction.  I perform much better in discussions and hands-on projects because I am engaged in activity.  Lectures don’t offer any of that.  If any two-way communication is taken out of the equation, I won’t last ten minutes before my mind either wanders or races elsewhere while I make repeated failed attempts to take notes.  Before I realize I’ve zoned out again and snap out of it, minutes have passed and I’ve missed plenty.  Recording lectures and listening back later doesn’t help at all because quiet will kill my efforts and I’m too easily distracted for unrelated sounds in the same room.

Sure, maybe I could take the fated aforementioned entry in pieces and eventually finish, but about the same amount of time will have passed without a single entry.  I do try seriously to be a better blogger but certain characteristics of Aspergers make it more difficult than it should be.  I am in hopes you all will bear with me so I don’t lose the few readers I may have.

Oh, and I see that text field where I’m supposed to place tags.  That involves making a list, which is something else I can never seem to do effectively.  That subject for another time…

I had the story of everything noteworthy that happened during this day but the computer ate it. Lost. Gone. Two hours of writing disappeared. I’ll now attempt to tell the tale with photos.

Saturdays at our hotel meant breakfast with their mascot, Mr. Bite. Of course I wanted pictures.

I wonder if the guy in the costume was more enthused about getting pictures with the rest of us. I still need to show this to Jessica (right).

Everyone separated again and went about their plans. My wife and I didn’t have much of anything set up aside from the Masquerade rehearsal and performance later that evening. We did, however, manage to see the Q&A with Japanese seiyou (voice actor) Kappei Yamagichi and see a few amusing photo shoots.

I don’t know if this person camped out here all day for photo ops, but many were had.

Bow down to your Penguin Master…or else!

Here is the best shot I could get of Kappei Yamaguchi (Ranma 1/2, InuYasha, Death Note). He was a funny guy.

Metal Gear Sonic. By the way, if you’re not familiar with the game Metal Gear Solid, this is what you see on screen when the main character (Snake) communicates with his commander, Otacon. Otacon…Otakon…get it?

A group of Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumaiya cosplayers.

Where were these people for Friday’s Ouran High School Host Club photo shoot when I was Beelzenef?

This scene should be self-explanatory.

Bleach photo shoot. The older guy in the middle is the first ever Court Guard Squad 1 Captain I’ve ever seen played…bravo!

A couple of Narutards find themselves in the wrong photo shoot.

Best…shot…ever!

It was nearing 6:pm and time to line up for Masquerade. We decided we would be there to entertain rather than compete. Our sketch idea wasn’t the most original, not many people recognized our characters (Rozen Kreuz Orden members from the anime Trinity Blood) and our presentation was never actually rehearsed, but we weren’t the worst of the lot. The event was held at the First Mariner Arena, a major live venue in Baltimore, and thousands of people came to see what we and the other 35 or so groups had to offer.

My wife and Masquerade partner, “teh Kitteh.” She only puffed (as opposed to smoked) cloves for the character.

After we were finished there, it was 10:pm so we headed back to the BCC. By this time, we were both sick and she was tired of walking. I wanted to cap off the evening with “Voice Actors After Dark,” which is a Q&A panel where the participants are encouraged to have a few drinks before answering questions. It’s always fun times, although my wife decided she had to retreat to the bathroom and call a friend of hers. I waited outside for about a half-hour before I gave up and went into the panel. To my surprise, she didn’t seem upset at all when I came out that I attended without her.

We wandered back to the hotel room and found our 17 year-old comrade, Jenni, snuggled up with a guy we’d never seen or heard of. If you knew her, you’d understand our surprise. I ordered food for some of us in the room because we were craving. Jessica came in a while later and had apparently messed her injured ankle up further earlier during the day. Alex returned some time after that and had informed us about an accident on the Chesapeake Bay Bridge (between Baltimore and Salisbury) which had closed down traffic to only one lane. Guess which side that ended up being on? Tune in next time and find out.

After I had packed most of our stuff for the journey home the next day, I had food and took in some Shin Chan on TV. Again, sleep wasn’t plentiful but it was enough to get me through. Wait until you hear about the wretched trip home…

I’ve written before about wanting to write to this blog at least every other day but not finding the time or motivation in spite of the topic. There’s another reason I discovered today about why that happens which also affects my ability to get things done in the “real world.” It’s something I can only term as “overload.”

In the “real world,” I tend to either overextend myself in terms of obligations I have made, albeit not contractual but I have said it and so it must be done. When I realize I’ve gone in over my head, I feel overwhelmed by the weight of everything I need to finish and no strategy you can come up with will allow me to dig myself out.

For this blog today, I was going to continue with the Otakon recap and review with Saturday’s events. Then I thought of how I’m seeing more of my favorite Japanese music establishing a place in the Western music industry. That brought me to attempting an explanation of why this is such an exciting wave to catch if you haven’t already, which I’ll get to after the Otakon saga is complete.

After all that, I found a tangent to wanting to create a tutorial of sorts on how to learn the lyrics to Japanese songs. So far I have three subjects to cover because, even though they are all related and would be coherent to one article, I’m too easily distracted for such a long story. The mere thought of organizing my thoughts for a solid outline pushes me away from it all.

Finally, I settled on another topic on the way home from the counselor’s office. My wife and I have been seeing her since November 06. Since October 07, she’s been doing everything within her power to help my wife successfully gain SSI (Supplimental Security Income) due to a laundry list of disorders which won’t allow her to hold gainful employment.

Without going into detail, we now find ourselves staring down the barrel of a second appeal because the Disability Determination Board is too lazy to follow through the steps we need taken for my wife to undergo proper evaluations. If we need evidence of her conditions, she needs to be observed by professionals which I can’t afford on my income and which she doesn’t have (and isn’t yet entitled to) medical coverage for.

Anyway, my counselor was beyond unhappy with the latest benefits rejection letter. She began looking up phone numbers to the local “Human Services” and Social Security Administration offices. I already knew what was going to happen but I thought she should experience my pain for better understanding. After the trials of actually finding the right numbers, she was merely confused about why this information isn’t more accessible in the phone book.  The SSA number was a constant busy signal. The HS offered no useful information, never mind them having previously turned my wife down for Medicaid. Then she called her contact person with the determination office to find out what the next step should be but was sent to voice mail.

Visibly flustered and confused by the futility of it all, she had just experienced a part of my life which I wouldn’t wish on anyone. She is only beginning to realize the red tape and other BS I have to muck through when dealing with “the system” every time I change residency, jobs, or some other part of my life which might affect my income. It took all of about 20 minutes before she dropped the gloves and gave up for the time.

The only thing she could suggest to us was going to the local SSA office for a meeting with someone who can sort through all the garbage and help us figure things out. After explaining about how inconveniently placed the SSA building is in our city (off and far away from any bus route), she offered to take us there herself if we couldn’t arrange something else. She knows my wife should be receiving some kind of assistance after observing her for approaching two years and she seems more determined now to see that it happens.

The transferral of my suffering was unintentional, but I felt gratified that someone I know now has a clear idea of what I have to deal with to keep a roof over the heads of my and my wife. Previously, this appeal for SSI was more like a favor in the beginning which later became a mission. Now it seems to have taken the form of a cause for our counselor to fight for, as her anger over the latest rejection notice seems to have sparked a strengthened resolve.

I only hope this will help my wife’s case. We need this to work out in the end…

It was the official beginning of Otakon. After a whole two hours of sleep the night before, I was prepared to drag myself everywhere for the next 16 or so hours. I usually find some kind of second and third wind to get me through.

The day began with everyone making last-minute preparations with their costumes before heading up to the Cloud Club for breakfast. Afterward, we all began our journey following whatever schedules we had planned for ourselves. I had forgotten to bring the list of photo shoots I wanted to attend so that part of the weekend would be given to improvisation.

I had also given up trying to make it to every panel or event I had planned for since I know how plans tend to go. There were so many outstanding costumes to photograph and I had only so much battery power and storage on my camera’s memory cards. Before the day was half done, I had burned through nearly 200 frames. I don’t like to downgrade the photo quality for the sake of increasing the number of frames I have available, but sometimes compromises must be made.

During the early afternoon, my wife walked with Elian through the dealer hall while I went back to the room to change into another costume. The one I was wearing at the time had already seen its respective photo shoot and I had another scheduled. When I returned to BCC, I ran into the pair as they came out of the Gaia Online panel. I managed to see about the last half-hour of it when the web site’s upcoming MMORPG (Massive Multi-player Online Role Playing Game), zOMG, was being unveiled.

The second shoot I was to take part in never happened because no one else showed up but me and two other characters from Ouran High School Host Club. No matter because my next task was to check myself and my wife in for Saturday’s Masquerade event. More on that next time.

We found our friends from Norfolk (Matt, Jen, and Joy) after I returned from First Mariner Arena and we relaxed for a bit. The next hour would be dedicated to figuring out what our plans for food would entail. Everyone had finally settled on Subway but no one was sure how to get there. We had two to choose from: the overcrowded food court at the end of the BCC skywalk or the shop just north of the Arena. By grace of someone’s iPhone and its navigational system, we found the latter Subway in less than a half-hour.

By the time we arrived, it was around 8:pm and, all the while, I was missing the JAM Project concert Otakon was presenting at the Arena. It would have been my first time seeing a Japanese musical act performing live and I wanted to go, but the urge wasn’t enough to rush my evening meal. I had to compromise my sandwich because this particular Subway had run out of lettuce and pickles. I got more than a 50-cent break on the price because they had also run out of change.

It was almost 9:pm and we all decided to head back to BCC. My video project, AMV Salad 2, was scheduled to be among the fan-produced parodies starting in another hour and I wanted to gauge reaction from the viewing audience. I separated from the pack and set off to find the event location.

After being misdirected several times, I had finally found the place where the funnies were being shown. The tech crew were having trouble with the VCR (I know…”wtf?”) so the whole thing was delayed by about a half-hour. Just before my cell phone died, I called Matt since he would have been (as far as I knew) nearest to my wife and told him to pass along the message that I’d be there a bit longer than expected. After Dr. Tran and some mediocre-to-very bad videos, it was finally time for mine to be shown. I am happy to announce that reactions were better than for last year’s project (AMV Salad: With More Crunchy Bits).

It had to be close to midnight by the time I got back to the hotel. Alex was downstairs and informed me that my wife wasn’t happy that I was gone for so long. I guess she didn’t get the message. Anyway, we went to the 7-11 around the corner and picked up a few things before retiring to the room for the night. I found out that Jessica, after being awed in some way by a dead rat in the street, had turned her ankle pretty badly when trying to cross the street. It didn’t help that her boots were heeled. We put her on the couch for the night with a bag of ice and drugs.

I got marginally more sleep than thee night before. The funny thing is that sleep becomes irrelevant when one is attending convention, especially when the next day is Saturday and there’s tons more to be done…

I’ll spare the details of the boring six-hour bus trip from Norfolk, VA to Baltimore. We arrived at around 2:30pm and found a cab to our hotel (Brookshire Suites) almost without delay. After a driver trying to stiff me for ten dollars two years before on a trip I know is worth seven at best, I always make sure the meter is running. Check.

As soon as my wife and I arrive to the hotel, Ashley (someone we found on the Otakon BBS) was waiting for us. I checked in and we all went upstairs to the two-room suite on the 7th floor. Not a bad view, but it was better upstairs in the Cloud Club…

Hmmm, that’s a long way down

…where we would be joined by our friends Jessica, Alex and his girlfriend’s brother, Elian, and Lily for snacks.

“Hi, I’m Alex.”

Jessica and Elian (looks and sounds 12, but almost 20)

After that, we all headed to the Baltimore Convention Center (more like Compound since a hotel is being built and connected to it) to pick up our badges. There were hundreds of people in front hanging out or waiting in line, some in costume already.

Near and Matt from Death Note

A girl in more traditional Asian attire

There was a steady stream of people adding themselves to the line as it worked its way inside BCC where there would be over a thousand more pre-registered attendees at any given time. The way Otakon staff moved over 7000 people in and out so fluidly and in less than five hours was commendable.

The scene outside the BCC at around 7:pm

One-half of the registration booths

Our group went back to the hotel after taking more pictures and wandering the Inner Harbor for a brief time. Jessica and my wife worked on their costumes a bit more while Elian, Ashley, and our final roomie Jenni played together on their Nintendo DS games.

Ashley and Elian playing games together

Lily passed out on the floor. Alex, his friend, and I went out to 7-11 around the corner and hung out for a spell before deciding to get back to the room.

I love convention Thursdays. No pressure of keeping a schedule, being with people I like whom I only see once or twice a year, and just being somewhere other than home creates an energy which keeps me from getting the kind of sleep I usually need. It won’t stop me from having fun on Friday, when the adventure begins…

…they have been slightly exaggerated.

Thursday August 7, I departed from Virginia Beach, VA due north for Baltimore, MD to attend the grandest anime / Japanese culture event of the year for the eastern half of this continent: Otakon. Greyhound was the only option in terms of transportation (not that they were any less expensive than driving, which my eyes don’t allow for).

There I was in a giant, motorized, metal tube on wheels for the next six hours (including the 20-minute stop in Salisbury, MD). I briefly noticed someone who wasn’t sitting particularly close to my area was coughing occasionally. It didn’t strike me as anything to whine about so I ignored it in favor of a nap.

Wouldn’t you know it. Early Friday morning, I began to develop a sore throat. Most of the time, these things just go away after an hour or so. This one decided it was gonna hang out for the weekend and bring some friends along. Enter the watery eyes, sneezes, and coughs. Later that weekend, Mr. Migraine would join the party and invite fatigue and dizziness to play.

It’s now Thursday and I have entered the stage of evacuating the muck from my lungs. The illness is almost over but it found me at the right time to put a damper on the anime party of the year, which I’ll tell you all about starting tomorrow.

And yes, there will be photos galore…

It’s not that I don’t want or haven’t tried to keep better consistency with posting to this thing. I might have two or three different things to write about each day but I lack motivation and (sometimes) incentive.

There may be a few people who read what I post here and that’s okay. I’m hoping there are others out there who are reading although they don’t leave comments. I just can’t be sure how to get more people to pay attention and stay with me for this.

There are probably ways to get more people to see what I’m writing but I don’t know exactly what to ask about in terms of promotion. I usually put out a general “how do I” question and never seem to get any response. If I had more declared readers, perhaps I’d be better motivated to write to this blog more than I do, never mind that I should do so anyway.

I want to post an entry about how, in addition to having Aspergers, I am legally blind and constantly struggle to survive. I also have a wife to support (long story - don’t ask) which makes things even tougher. Gaining employment without the benefit of a driver’s license is nearly impossible if you add the continuing increase of the unemployment rate. Further discussion on this matter is forthcoming.

This weekend, however, the “missus” and I take our annual trip to Baltimore for the largest anime convention in the Eastern half of the US - Otakon. This is something we plan for all year, starting immediately after we leave the event. Now I’m sure you’re wondering how we are able to manage this four-day excursion on such a limited income. I wasn’t always unemployed, so during times of relative “prosperity” we made the necessary arrangements in terms of convention membership renewals, travel expenses (Greyhound has to suffice, as bad as service has become), and hotel reservations. As far as the latter, we book a suite and have at least six of our friends room with us to cut down on the cost. There is a certain level of panic on my end as Otakon approaches and, without fail, my checking account is somehow overdrawn when all is done, but no price is too high in order to kill whatever real-life stress has been building over the previous months.

…and you have just been with me on one of my usual tangents. I’m sure this is another reason steady employment escapes me. Interviews are hell because of my being unaware of committing this particular professional faux pas. Perhaps I need someone next to me to kick me before I go too far with that.

Maybe this is also why I don’t have more readers..?

I had begun this blog with the intent of exposing you, the English-speaking world, to Japanese entertainment and culture. I still will, although I have recently decided that it can’t be the main focus…because I can’t focus. I have an entry which is only started and, in spite of my intentions and desire to finish and publish it, will likely never be completed. The possibility exists for its completion, but not right now.

See, I have what is called Aspergers Syndrome. In a nutshell, it is a “high-functioning” form of autism. That means I can live independently and fend for myself but not without a lot of difficulty in certain areas of my life. The one which suffers the most is social. I have trouble establishing and maintaining close relationships with people, and not just because I’m not good with idle chatter, banter, or “small talk.” This will be brought into better light later.

What I intend to display by this sudden change of focus on this blog (notice the previous entries) is one small aspect of Aspergers which often affects my ability to complete tasks in progress. I have a touch of ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). In my case, I am easily distracted and drawn away from whatever I may be doing at the time.

It has happened many times on the job and, fortunately, no one has noticed so far because I usually catch myself and go back to the original task. Many college class projects have suffered from my leaving them half-done and noticing the incomplete status only the day before deadline. During speeches and lectures when I’m supposed to be taking notes, my mind wanders or races to other places if things are too quiet. If the class were engaged in debate or I am involved in hands-on activity, I’d have no problem with classroom studies. Alas, only a scant minority of them are dynamic to that extent.

I’ll spare you further examples of my inability to maintain focus for now, although you’ll see future instances of it and how it interferes with my life in general. Today, the latest victim is this blog. I can keep the entries coming, but for someone like me to focus on a topic which doesn’t affect my daily routines would be counterproductive at best. This is just one reason why I wish to shift focus from Japanese culture to AS.

I feel there are people out there in my position who can learn from my experiences and trials with Aspergers, as its effects tend to be suited to the individuals who have it. This is what some people call an “invisible illness,” but that’s minimizing its scope and affect. It is neurological rather than psychological. It is something every parent needs to test their children for before they enter school for first grade (Aspergers wasn’t made official until the early 1990s - I am now 40 and wasn’t diagnosed until 2004) for the best chance of conditioning and “reprogramming.”

The incomplete blog entry I mentioned earlier means a great deal to me because of my penchant for character analysis. You’ll know it when it finally is published. You’ll see by it my powers of observation in spite of the lack of ability to stay on topic for an extended length of time. Depending on how the moderators of this blog network decide to handle this sudden shift, you’ll understand that Aspergers Syndrome, let alone autism itself, is a serious problem.

Stick around. Observe. Discuss. Learn. Most importantly, understand.

By the way, I left many links to informative sites and articles for your consideration…